-         The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

-         I see cards that say “Get well soon” Fuck that. Get well now!

-         I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. The paper I used said “happy birthday” on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I wrote “Jesus” on it.

-         Saying “I’m sorry” is the same as saying “I apologize” except at a funeral.

-         Malaria kills one million people a year. Meanwhile, only 10,000 people, ever, have died from terrorist attacks.

-         There is more bacteria in your mouth then there are people on the planet.

-         Stutterers don’t stutter when they whisper.

-         Traveling at 20,000kmh, it would take 108,000 years to reach the nearest star to earth.

-         Jack the ripper only killed on weekends.

-         Half of all our food produce in America is never eaten.  Either it’s never harvested or simply thrown away.

-         Apple seeds contain cyanide.

If you really sit back and think about earth its quite amazing, I started thinking about it while driving from melbourne to sydney, the time a spent and the amount of land a passed seemed amazing but in the big sceme of things i traveled such a small part of our home planet.  Its scope size and I suppose sense of mystery makes me wonder if there are areas on earth that have never been explored by humans. Anyway just sit back and think about it and appreciate what an amazing, mysterious planet we live on.  Here are some cool facts about planet earth...

 

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"Confused, the father asks what's wrong. "Oh, dad" the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the There's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that adults don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Im a bit shy, but at a party with a group of people I  know occasionally i like 2 be the centre of attention.  Especially when drinking, heres a few things a like to do at partys you should give them a go.  They will get a laugh but you may fell like a bit of an ass clown in the morning...

 

1. Get cake (or another type of food served at the party but cake works best) and smear it over your mouth/face area, go up to the host or person who made the cake/food and compliment on them on how good it is with the cake/food still all over your face.

 

2. If its a birthday party when they sing happy birthday start the HIP HIP HOORAY chant after the song, once the thierd HIP HIP is complete give one more loud preferably with hands punching in the air HIP HIP!

 

3. Laugh uncontrollably if a speech is done, the best time is when a really bad joke is made.

 

4. Make sure if there is micophone use it and make sure u sing a song that you know the words of the chorus to but have no idea what the other words are.  The trail off is hilarious when done well.

Just a few quick thoughts...

 

- When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?